Navigating Perceptions Of Using Sex Toys In A Relationship

Using sex toys has been considered a taboo topic for couples and those in long-term sexual relationships since sex toys were introduced into mainstream popular culture – either you are in a sexual relationship that uses toys, or you are in one that does not.

I myself at one point in my life found the suggestion of using toys as offensive and felt as though whoever I was with at the time was not enjoying what I had to offer in the bedroom.

I would reluctantly allow toys to be used and act like their inclusion was completely normal, and did not impact my ego in the slightest.

However, one relationship and the use of toys did have me feeling that the sex toy was the main attraction, and I was merely a side attraction in each sexual experience.

Fast forward to 2021 and countless hours of research and in-depth discussions with fellow females, I have begun to understand just how amazing sex can be, once toys are introduced.

One thing toys can do is take pressure off your partner, which in turn helps you reach climax. Toys can also help you reach your destination multiple times and leave both you and your partner satisfied with one another.

I spoke with various woman from all walks of life to get an understanding of sex toys and their place within the bedroom.

Maria, who is a 22-year-old teacher believes that using sex toys is not an issue for either females or males who would like to introduce them into their sexual encounters.

“The use of foreplay and oral sex is a huge contributor towards the female orgasm for me, and while my partner is incredible in ensuring that I am well looked after, other sexual partners may not find giving oral sex as enjoyable, therefore the use of toys can make up for this fact, putting both parties at ease and ensuring climax,” says Maria.

Maria’s point is not only valid but completely relatable to why I began to be far more accepting of toys. Earlier in my life I was opposed to giving oral sex and using a toy in a sense made me feel like I was still pleasing my sexual partners by replacing oral sex for using toys.

Similar sentiment was shared by 26-year-old Nada who thinks that toys are amazing but is definitely a case by case situation.

“Accepting the use of sex toys definitely depends on the person and you should respect their opinions. If people are not comfortable, you shouldn’t force anything or look at them differently, but instead work around the issue and find a middle ground,” says Nada.

Nada added that if you want your partner to become more accepting, to actually make them a part of the purchase process.

My biggest tip is to just go shopping together and find something you’d both enjoy, that way there is a mutual agreement and you’re comfortable with what is about to happen,” says Nada.

Consent is undoubtedly a factor as you do not want your partner simply using these toys if they make you uncomfortable.

“My first time experimenting with toys could have gone very differently if we didn’t talk about what we thought we would or would not like to try, and when to stop if things got too uncomfortable. It felt good knowing that my partner was wanting to introduce me to another layer of intimacy, I do not think about introducing toys as something missing in a relationship,” says 24-year-old Emma.

Personally, I believed that introducing toys was my sexual partner’s way of indirectly saying that something is missing in the sexual relationship, however once that rhetoric is put to rest after a discussion with your partner, using toys can be seen as a welcome addition.

Understanding how amazing it can be to use toys was epitomised by my interview with 25-year-old Rachael, whose justification was the one I most related to.

“I can go on and on about why I like using toys but essentially, if something makes you feel good and you’re happy with it then do what you want to! However, it Is good to check in with yourself and ask if this is necessary and why,” says Racheal.

If there is one thing I want you to take away from this piece, it’s the amazing insight and advice from Maria, Nada, Emma and Racheal.

Using toys does not have to be a big deal. Include your partner in the buying process and let your partner know that this is a mutual agreement. Free yourself from viewing toys as something missing within your relationship and more so something to add depth. And finally, ask yourself why you are introducing toys and if it is for the right reasons.